Forgive yourself and others

To forgive yourself and others can be one of the hardest things to overcome in life. But also one of the most important, the most fulfilling and the most freeing, or so I have discovered. 

When we hold onto grudges, big or small, it can fuel us into a spin. We can feel angry, sad, unworthy, hateful and a variety of other emotions. For me, holding onto grudges can feel debilitating, life-changing – but not in a good way – overwhelming and most of all sad. And I hate to feel sad. 

When we feel all of these negative emotions and hold onto our grudges, the person it affects the most is YOU. I know this all too well. I have been stubborn beyond measure in my life, but as I have aged, I am changed even though stubbornness is in my DNA. Well, at least, I’m trying to. 

Not letting go can lead to illness, and holding onto past hurts can lead to physical and mental health issues. It can impact our daily life in a variety of ways. 

Being able to forgive is no easy task. It takes a willingness to move on, to live in a new and different way. Instead of being fueled with anger, sadness, or other emotion you feel from not forgiving, once forgiveness is in your life, things can become clearer, freer and more peaceful. It sounds airy-fairy, doesn’t it, possibly the most challenging thing you may ever do, but it is possible; it just takes time and effort. 

I’ve had many times when I lived with past hurts and have longed for a sense of freedom. It was only when I learned to forgive that I finally found peace. I still have to work on it today, but now I see the signs within myself and know when I need to do some inner work. 

Finding a good therapist can help. Journaling is also a fantastic tool to help you let go of situations, past hurts and frustrations. There is an abundance of forgiveness meditations on Youtube, information on podcasts, and various free resources online. One of the mantras I love to use when I am working on forgiveness is what I like to call the Forgiveness Sequence ( I’m not the only person to use this; there are lots of gurus around that also promote this kind of work). It goes like this:

Thank you.

I’m sorry.

I forgive you.

I Love you.

You can say this mantra in any way you like there are no rules, not in my book anyway. When repeating the mantra, think of what you are letting go of at each point in the sequence and visualise it going. This is a powerful work. Keep going, daily if needed, and soon you will get a sense of ease and peace. Some things will take longer to forgive than others. Other things you may find you can let go of instantly. Not only can forgiveness be freeing, but it can also bring up other inner work which you may also need to deal with, but that is also part of the joy and wonder of self-development and growth- we are constantly growing and evolving. I believe it’s why we are on this earth.

Another great tool to forgive is to write a letter – which no one else will ever see. Address it to whoever has caused the hurt; it could even be yourself, write your truth in the letter, blurt everything out and then burn it ( in a safe place – like a fireplace or fire pit ). Let the smoke go up to the universe or God or whoever your faith lies with, and as you watch the smoke moving, say the forgiveness mantra. If you don’t have access to a safe fireplace, you can put the letter in a sink, and run the tap over the letter and watch the ink wash off the page and down the drain, letting the universe take it to flow out to the ocean. 

This work is very powerful ( and yes, I know it’s a bit woo hoo, but if it helps, then YES – that’s a win.)

There are so many areas in our lives where we are hard on ourselves and our loved ones. Forgiveness is one of the most beneficial tools we can use to move forward in our life; it is freeing. Forgiveness is a gift we can give to ourselves. 

Let it go. Just like Elsa sings in Frozen – Disney was right on that one!

I’d love to know when you have found forgiveness to have benefited you, please leave a comment below. I can’t wait to hear how forgiveness has changed your life. 

Love and Light 

Tiffany